


as they rest

by alexandrawest



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Dark, Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Blood and Violence, Character Death, Excessive Drinking, F/M, Gun Violence, Hate Sex, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Love/Hate, Masturbation, Mikasa ackerman & zoe hanji friendship, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Swearing, assassin!mikasa, past rivetra, rivamika
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2018-02-27
Packaged: 2019-01-31 08:15:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12677973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexandrawest/pseuds/alexandrawest
Summary: The world has changed after the War. The new order has settled in with the Leaders watching and controlling. The hushed whispers of a rebellion are quickly suffocated by persuaders under the Firms. All Mikasa knows is her job, her loyality to the Firm and to the Leaders, until a mistake pushes her to a path that could lead to the downfall of everything she knows.





	1. 1. The true Belief

_23.4 2265_  
Evengreen District  


_Madela_  
 _I am not sure if you are getting my messages, I haven’t gotten any reply since December, but I am still writing to you, weekly if the chance presents itself._  
 _It is not looking good here, I am afraid. I have heard about Mariehaven, and how it has fallen, but my hope still hasn’t left me. Maybe I am a foolish old man, believing that the War will end as bombs are raining outside, but [CENSORED]. Have you spoken to [CENSORED]? Her family left Evengreen weeks ago, but there has not been a word… How did we end up like this? When did we lose sight of the real enemy? He had his sight on us, watching every moment. Why didn’t we speak when the cameras came? Why didn’t we suspect our own when the water was poisoned, when the schools exploded? Whilst we searched for [CENSORED], [CENSORED] made their way to the top, leaving death at its feet… Maybe I am an old foolish man, thinking about the past and what went wrong._  
 _[CENSORED]_  
 _I fear that my time is running out, so this letter might be my last. Please know that I fought until my last breath. Maybe I will meet you again, in the next life. I hope it will be [CENSORED]_  
 _Your friend_  
 _Pixix_  


\- An outtake from a letter by anarchist Pixix Dot [Executed in 1 A.W.]

 

 

 

 

**_Chapter 1 - The true Belief_ **

 

 

 

 

**15.7  13 A.W**  
Eldia District  
02:56

She wasn’t sure at what point she had started needing a drink to go to bed. It had just happened, somehow the only way for her to get even the tiniest bit of nightmare-ridden sleep demanded the bitter burn of liquor and no matter how hard she tried to remember how, when the hell it had come to this she just couldn’t pin-point the moment. Instead she sat at the table in her almost empty apartment, drinking whiskey straight from the bottle, not bothering to go after a glass from the cupboard because that glass should then need to be washed and she knew that she didn’t have the time or the will to do it.

_Maybe I should quit my job._ The thought played in her head like it had many times before. She would quit, no, not even quit, just skip town and change her name and live in some isolated town and forget everything that her life had been for the last 24 years. The thought amused her, but that was all. She didn’t feel any real excitement, because her quitting her job was as likely as her driving to Mars. Besides, it wasn’t like she worked at a coffee-shop or anything like that; it wasn’t as if she could hand her boss in two-week notice and explain that she needs new opportunities.

Life as an assassin sure was a pain in the ass. She smirked against the neck of the bottle. Assassin. Even the name of what many would call her job-title was idiotic, like something out of a videogame or medieval novel. She wasn’t really an assassin. It wasn’t like her main task was to kill people. Her main task was to fix things; to make problems disappear by _persuading_ people. Many people weren’t easy to persuade though, which led to often rather, _tragic_ consequences. If there was a hell, Mikasa Ackerman had a suite reserved there.

It wasn’t as if killing people made her lose sleep, in that case, the drinking would have started much earlier. Mikasa was numb, numb to fear, sorrow, any emotion that would cost her effectiveness. She wasn’t even sure if she was able to even love anymore.

_Love_

The word tasted more bitter than the booze, it burned in the back of her throat more than the whiskey. She knew that she had loved, at some point in her life. She had loved her mother, she had loved her father. She had, at one point, friends that she had loved. But that was a long time ago, and everything that Mikasa had once held dear and made her heart feel warm was now gone. Her parents had been blown to tiny pieces of flesh and bone and tendons and blood in a bombing back in the War. Her friends, Eren and Armin had been shot, not too long after the War had ended. Ironically, the War that had taken so much from her country, from her, had given her her life back. As the new order had settles in, criminal organizations were no longer criminal, but disguised behind charades of businesses and legal contracts and cooperation’s between the Leaders and the Firms. One of these Firms had hired her, almost four years ago, and for the first time in a long time Mikasa Ackerman had been a free person.

Still, there were rumors about change. Small anarchist groups were fighting against the “corrupt” Leaders, but they were soon silenced. Mikasa knew that, some of those who opposed the Leaders had died by her hands. Not literally though, her choice of weapon was the Ykzma-2496 with a silencer, another thing granted by the War. Before, weapons and the weapon-market were strictly controlled by the government, but not anymore, not in the same sense. Almost anyone could buy one, but very few could afford one. The Ykzma-2496 was special, coming from countries that had bombed them, from foreign nations that were rumored to be behind the War. The cost was probably in the skies, but that was nothing that Mikasa had to worry about. Her employer covered all the costs, from medical necessities to the last drop of alcohol in the bottle in front of her.

 

 

 

The phone in her pocket beeped, noting her that there was a job waiting. The slim device vibrated against her thigh, and she picked it up, pressing her thumb against the fingerprint identifier. A message popped up, coded, and Mikasa sighed. It was an AnIv-6 code, the An standing for anarchist and the Iv for individual. The number 6 meant the persons level, from 1 being low risk to the highest 9, which usually meant that it would be the Ykzma-2496 doing the talking.

 

In a minute she was in the garage, backpack filled with that she liked to call necessities pressing against her back, a small assurance that whatever happened, she had what it took to finish the job. The addressee that she had been given was familiar to her, but then again, she knew the whole town like the back of her pocket. It was a 15-minute drive, 10, if she drove fast. Mikasa always drove fast. She raced past bars, fights, whorehouses and abandoned apartments, passing cars that honked at her. The place she was headed was an old railway-station, out of use now that the only form of communal transportation was the metro that was only taken by the lowest in the Hierarchy. Poor people, drunks, orphans and insane people used the metro, some of them even living in the old tunnels, deep under the ground, away from the sunshine and sky.

 

 

 

 

 

After 9 minutes, she had arrived. She noticed the camera pointing towards the station. It was probably that camera that had alarmed the Firm. Cameras were everywhere now, noting of any suspicious action; tagging the walls with anarchist slogans, talking about rebellion, reading forbidded books… There was almost nothing that went unheard or unseen by the Leaders.

It was dark inside the station, but Mikasa could still see the silhouette of someone. The person was shorter than her, but strongly built. As she moved closer, silent as death, she noted that their back was turned against her. She took out her gun, pointing it at the shadow in front of her and loaded it. The clicking sound didn’t seem to startle the shadow like she had thought. Instead, she heard him scoff lightly.

“It took you long enough” the voice was dark, a man’s voice. The comment didn’t faze her, she was used to men thinking they were immortal, that the power of the Leaders didn’t affect them. She wondered if they still thought so after their brains splattered on the wall.

“Tagging the walls with rebellious shit, huh?” she mused, taking a step towards him. “Raise your hands and turn around. I just want to talk with you”

The man laughed out loud, but obeyed her orders. Her eyes, now used to the dark, followed his movements carefully. He looked like someone from the lower steps of the Hierarchy. There was a long scar running from the middle of his eyebrow to his jaw, the nether part almost masked by his dark, scruffy beard. The tattoos visible on his throat were probably home-made, as few people had the right to tattoo anymore.

“You just want to talk, yeah, how many fall for that? Word travels, I know many that you have killed. I wonder how a _swine_ like you can sleep at ni- “

“Shut up” Mikasa was already tired of hearing this man talk. The words didn’t affect her, she paid no mind to them, but she had heard this so many times. The anarchist that she had persuaded always talked about the same fucking shit, about the Leaders and corruption and _freedom_ that once was. “I strongly advise you to forget about this nonsense. Understand me?”

“Fuck you” the smile on his face grew wider. Mikasa sighed before raising her gun, and smacking him across the face with it. The impact broke skin, and probably his nose judging from the sound. The man stumbled backwards, turning his back against her. Like routine, she grabbed his arm and put the handcuff around his hands. When he realized what had happened, he tried to yank himself free from the tight grip holding his arms in place, but in vain. Mikasa grabbed his shoulder and pushed him down on the ground, so that he was standing on his knees. _This one would need a lot more convincing._

He stared at her with cold, blue eyes, fury burning inside them like a white flame, like the ones that had destroyed her town in the War. Blood was pouring down his face, both from his nose and the cut on his forehead. It was a nice contrast, she thought, the blue and the red.

She ignored his stare, and reached into her backpack. She didn’t mind killing, but she had found sending a message to be much more effective. She took out a set of pliers and clicked the ends together in a demonstrative manner before turning her gaze back to him.

“Which finger do you think you’ll miss more?” she asked, not really caring for the answer. She always started with the middle finger, anyway. Some people in her area of expertise liked to pull begin with pulling out fingernails, but Mikasa didn’t see the point in it. You could live without a fingernail, easily forget why it was missing. A hand with no fingers wasn’t as easy to ignore.

A noise from outside interrupted the silence, and Mikasa looked around. Her phone hadn’t alerted that anyone was nearby, so it was probably nothing. Deciding to still check it out, she grabbed her gun and walked outside to look around.

There was no one in sight, animal or human. Animals were rare these days, but it wasn’t unheard of some stray cats still rummaging the wasteland and sometimes finding their way into the town. A few seconds went by, but the silence was as silent as ever. Irritated by the interruption, Mikasa walked back inside, deciding against sending a warning. It was easier and quicker to shoot. Finger on the trigger, she marched back inside, ready to send a bullet into her clients brain and-

He was gone.

The only thing left of him were the handcuffs, laying on the grund in pieces. There was no way he had escaped. It was impossible, the handcuffs were supposed to survive a fucking bombing, but there they were, laying on the ground in shatters. Her heart started to beat faster as she ran around the station, looking for some explanation to where he had gone. There was nothing. As dread filled her body, she picked up her phone and sent a short rapport to the Firm. The answer came in seconds:

DiCH89. It stood for Discussion Chamber 89, an office located nearby. She had never been there, it wasn’t a place you wanted to be invited into.

 

 

 

**Discussion Chamber 86**  
**3.26**

“You let a level 6 escape, Ackerman” it wasn’t a question. The woman sitting in front of her displayed no emotions, she was like a robot as she tapped in something to the notepad in her hand.  
“Like I reported, a sound came from outside and I walked outside to investigate what it was. During the second I was outside, the AnIv escaped.” Mikasa stated. She had never messed up before, not even the tiniest mistake tainted her work with the Firm. She knew what they would do, she had heard rumors and seen scars and marks on people that had betrayed the firm with errors like this.

“The consequence is a mark-05 Ackerman. Please take off your shirt and face the wall over there. The woman gestured towards the white, concrete wall next to Mikasa. The shirt fell on the ground, and Mikasa could feel something cold being pressed against her lower back. She knew what was about to happen, she was about to be marked, another black figure to join her collection of ink that the Firm had deemed upon her. This one though, was a warning. Whilst the other ones had been contracts, rewards and for identification, this one would forever remind her what a mistake cost.

A low beep was heard, followed by thousands of small, sharp needles digging into her skin and shooting out ink in the wounds. A gasp escaped Mikasa's lips before she bit her teeth together. She knew she deserved the pain; an error had been made and she was the reason behind it. After a minute or two, the ordeal was over. The new tattoo stung and hurt, but she welcomed it.

“Please put on your shirt. You can leave now.” Mikasa nodded and put her shirt back on, trying to avoid the fabric touching the skin on her back. As she pressed the elevator button, the woman cleared her throat. “We expect there to be no more errors Ackerman. Remember, everyone is replaceable”

The words awoke something in Mikasa that she hadn’t felt in years. It wasn’t until she was back in her apartment that she recognized the feeling. _Fear._

The bottle was still on the table, open and inviting. Mikasa grabbed it and chugged, droplets of its content dribbling down her chin. The bottle was empty sooner than Mikasa would have liked, but she knew better than to open another one. The Firm would find out, and could deem her to be replaced.

“Everyone is replaceable” the words played over and over in her head as she walked into her bathroom. She wanted to undress, to clean herself, even if she knew that she could never become clean. Not really, because her heart was black and so was her soul, as black as the ink forced into her skin.

Her clothes landed in a pile on the cold tiles, leaving Mikasa exposed for whoever was watching at the Firm to see. She wasn’t sure where the camera was, but she knew there was one. Not caring about her nudity or that it was presented to someone that she would never meet, she stared at herself in the mirror. Her thighs were covered with small text; the contract that she had signed years ago. A trophy for her first kill was painted on her side, two long, thin branches. Her first big job, her first inside job, every promotion was tagged on her body. She needed to see what was tattooed on her lower back. She turned around, and stared at the punishment she had received. It was ugly. Almost a square of ink, scratched into her skin. It looked like someone had just aggressively tried to color her but given up after a minute. It was ugly, as ugly as her mistake. She only allowed herself to feel sad about it for a second, then she let the numbness take over.

The shower was cold, but she didn’t mind. All she could think about were the gray eyes she had stared into, how much she wanted to puncture those eyes after watching the life leave them. The thought comforted her, and for the first time in a long time, Mikasa went to sleep with a smile on her lips.


	2. false Convictions

26.6 2265  
Evengreen District

” Run, Levi, run!” Whatever she said after that was drowned in the overwhelming sounds of guns going off and explosions. His body reacted to the command before his mind; he started sprinting, unsure where to go, only knowing that he had to run, get away from the explosions, from the violent dispute happening behind him.  Away from the stench of death and gunpowder that was tickling his nostrils, making him sick to his stomach.  
He ran and ran and ran while his lunges ached after air, but he knew that he couldn’t stop, not now, not until he was safe. Otherwise Petra’s death would have been in vain. Or, Petra’s presumed death, but no one could survive whatever had just happened inside the warehouse that Levi was running away from. He would grieve for her later, he would find time to cry and to swear vengeance and be consumed by hate, but right now he had to run.  
_I am so fucking sorry Petra, it should have been me._

 

 

**Chapter 2 - false Convictions**

 

 

  
**7.8 13 A.W.**  
Eldia District  
22:38  
  


For the last two weeks, Mikasa had done nothing but work. Her way to _persuade_ had shifted from rigorous to outright ruthless, not bothering to try and talk out any object over the level 3 from committing crimes. She just shot them; blank between the eyes. No one from the Firm had complained, there had been no calls to attend any more meetings in the DiCh, so she presumed that she could carry on. Maybe the Firm even preferred this way of working. Truth be told, Mikasa had more time like this, managing to persuade up to 15 individuals per day. That left her with some days off, something that happened rarely. With no cases that needed handling breathing down her neck she had spent days drinking and masturbating; tending to her needs that had been pushed off for far too long. She knew that she could always call someone of her colleagues, she had fucked some of them before, but that took effort. Bringing her hand down and touching herself was easier, and more effective, just like Mikasa liked it. But the fantasies that played in front of her as she came had started to have a familiar shade of blue, and the fact that she knew exactly who’s eyes she was imagining as she got herself off sent a mix of shame and anger to her heart.

 After spending another day just like that, getting herself off and drinking, she was starting to grow impatient. Even if the sting of her mark had stopped after a few days, her pride was still hurt, and the anger inside her seemed to grow day for day. She dreamt of killing the man she had let away, fantasized that it was his skull that her bullets sank into. The sickest thing was that for a second of two she also dreamt about fucking him, establishing dominance in the most primal way. Still, she wouldn’t rest until he was dead, until _she_ had killed him.

The familiar beep from her phone interrupted her thoughts, and she grabbed it quickly, hoping that it would be an AnIv, _that it would be him_. She knew that her obsession and the way she was hanging onto him was no good, but Mikasa had never been good at letting go. She looked at the screen and felt a pang of disappointment in her stomach;

_“PoRi-9”_

Political Rival, level 9. When it came to political rivals, they were seldom violent. The level just told her if they needed to die or not. In this case, with whoever she was going to meet, the level just told her that they needed to be dead, rather sooner than later. A political rival was anyone that threatened the Leaders in any way. She had killed prostitutes that had visited one of the Leaders and grown to nosy, she had killed an assistant that had planned a coupe, the list was long. You really just needed to annoy a Leader to become a target. It may seem cold and unnecessarily brutal, but that was what it took to keep society from collapsing like it once had.

Grabbing her backpack before rushing down the stairs to her motorcycle, Mikasa took a deep breath of air. It wasn’t fresh, not that there had been fresh air in years, and tried to shake of the uneasy feeling in her stomach. It was like a mix of anticipation and dread, but why, she had no idea. She decided that it was probably because of such a high level case, even if she never felt nervous for those anymore, and sat on her motorcycle. One more deep breath, then Mikasa shut down the last emotions she had. _Show time._

 

 

 **8.8 13 A.W.**  
Eldia District, east-bound  
00:12  
  


Her latest objective was lying in front of her in a pool of blood that grew by the second. He was one of the Leaders brothers, she realized suddenly. She didn’t recall his name, nor the name of the Leader, but she knew that he was rumored to soon join them; the Leaders. Maybe he had pissed one of them off, maybe even his own brother, Mikasa thought grimly. No one was safe from the Leaders, it didn’t matter who your brother or father was; if you were deemed a threat, the Firms would take care of you. He had probably not suspected a thing, not realized that his security system was shut down allowing Mikasa easy access through the balcony, not realized that his time was up. When he had turned around, still dressed in his pajamas, Mikasa had pressed the trigger, not giving him a chance to realize what was about to happen. Maybe it was better like that; not knowing that the ones you trust the most have stabbed you in the back, betrayed you in the grimmest of ways.  

Mikasa knew that she should leave, her job was done, but she just wanted to look around a bit in the room. She knew better than to touch anything, and she knew that there were cameras and that someone was probably staring at her on this very second, but for the first time in her career she felt a sick interest in the man that she had just executed. He seemed to have everything, his apartment was on the 67th floor on one of the most prestigious flats in the whole district, and he seemed to have everything that he wanted, everything that anyone would need to feel alive; money, power, connections… Yet, for some reason that Mikasa couldn’t even try to fathom, he had thrown all that away and betrayed the Leaders, maybe even his own brother. Even if Mikasa wasn’t as loyal as some of the fundamentalists that worked for and in the Firm, she would never do anything to betray the Leaders. Why would she? Working under them kept her _safe,_ and she had more freedom that the scum in the brothels that she often rushed past, more freedom than the rebels and anarchist hiding underground that just wanted to push their society into the same chaos that it had been thirteen years earlier. The chaos that had cost her so much, that had almost brought their nation onto the brink of extinction… No, Mikasa could not understand what would be so important to risk anything like that happening again.

Her conviction only made her more determined to send the AnIv she had met a few weeks back into an early but well-deserved death the second she laid her eyes on him again. Well, maybe not the _second_ she saw him; she wanted the moment to last a good minute, so that she had a memory to cherish. Some would surely think that it was disgusting, that her bloodlust made her as bad as the anarchists, but she didn’t really care. When all her memories involving smiles and joy had exploded with into think air with her parents, when the memories with laughter and warmth had been ripped out of her chest like Eren’s and Armin’s life was ripped away from this earth, there was no place for sentimentality. To be effective, you had to be cold. There was no room for _real_ joy in her life.

  
Deciding she had looked around enough, she walked back to the same balcony that she had entered through. She grabbed the zipline she had used to get to the balcony from the building across the street and packed it into her backpack. She could now use the stairs, when the job was done there was no use in swaying 1500 feet in the air. Not that she minded it, quite the opposite. the feeling of weightlessness and the cold wind against her face made her feel alive, and it made the numbness go away, even if it was just for a few seconds.

Descending the stairs gave Mikasa time to think, and to look at the view. Skyscrapers and apartment buildings filled the town, cold steel and grey bricks mixing with the black of the sky. There were no trees anymore, no grass or flowers. The ones that had survived the bombings were eaten by survivors, or used as firewood. Seeing that trees and flowers and grass were nothing but something nice to look at, the Leaders weren’t interested in growing them again. There wasn’t really place for any plants anymore either; the whole district was filled with narrow streets and buildings. It was like a labyrinth, really. It even looked like one, from where Mikasa was standing. For a second she wondered if how many people had lost themselves, how many where walking the streets, hoping for a way out. Probably too many to count.  
Mikasa _really_ needed a drink.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bars were still allowed to function, but only under strict observation. When people got drunk, they also got sloppy. Sloppy people often talked about things that should remain unspoken, and that was not good. Mikasa couldn’t even remember how many people she had persuaded after they had talked about things that were not allowed in their drunken stuperness. Yet, here she was, standing outside one of the places where she had picked up individuals deemed to need a change of heart, but this time because of reasons unrelated to work. Mikasa needed to get a drink, something that burned and hurt her throat, something that reminded her that she was still alive; the numbness was threatening to take over like it did every night. She knew that she rarely got any more messages after taking care of an level 9, so she was probably free for at least 4-10 hours. It was enough time for her to get drunk, and sleep for an hour or two. Maybe even three, if she wanted to spoil herself.

Her steps were confident as she walked towards the man standing behind the counter, but she kept her head low in case anyone would recognize her. It wouldn’t be the first time, and it was rare that someone tried to open up to her, to blame her for the death of someone, but it had happened. It was nothing but a waste of time, seeing that Mikasa had no interest in hearing about her victims or anyone else for that matter. It wasn’t like she was to blame for killing people, not really, seeing that they had broken the rules and thus brought the punishment upon themselves.

She ordered a vodka, and sat down in a booth far in the corner. Here she was anonymous, and no one would disturb her. The sounds of laughter and discussion mixed into the background as Mikasa looked around. For this late hour, the bar was filled with people. Most of them were lower class, some, the lower middle like her. A few women looked like prostitutes, but not like the ones at the brothel. These women sold themselves and their services of their own free will, not forced and caged up like the women locked inside the various brothels scattered around the vilest of areas within the district. The memory of one of these places sent a shiver down Mikasa's spine, and she brought her hand up to her cheek. Beneath her fingertips she could feel the jagged scar that she had carried for over a decade. A reminder of why she was grateful for the Firm. A reminder that even if things could be better, she wasn’t back in that dirty room, tied up and dirty.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she caught a glance of a familiar looking figure. Her heart skipped a beat, her mouth went dry and all Mikasa could think about was _it’s him, it’s him, it’s him!_ She followed the man with her gaze, hoping that he wouldn’t notice her. For once, luck was on her side. He walked out, unknowing of her stare, waving the bartender before leaving. She waited for a second, drinking up what was left in her glass, before walking out in the night. She saw him making his way on the empty street, turning in for what she knew to be a dead-end. _Idiot_ , she thought triumphantly _. I got you_.

She followed him into the dead end, gun already in a secure grip. Her finger was on the trigger, its cold surface warming up, welcoming her hands like an old friend.  

“Hands up” her voice was almost shaking with excitement. He was here, she would get her revenge and things could return to normal. She would kill him, return home and forget her mistake. Well, almost, her new mark was still there, a memory that she could not erase. It didn’t matter though, she was about to make a new one, a memory that would always bring a smile to her lips.

He turned around, visibly surprised. She liked it. His cocky grin was nowhere to be seen, and the smallest hint of distress on his face made her heart flutter. She had the upper hand. Like an predator staring at its prey, confident and powerful, she flashed him a smile that looked more like a growl.

“Nice seeing you again” she said, amused to no ends. “I couldn’t have imagined a better end for you, there’s something about dying in a dirty alley that suits you. I think it’s because you’re nothing but scum”

The man took a half a step back, his backside hitting the wall behind him. “I must say, it’s nice to see you too” he tried to play it cool, but the nervousness was clear. “Is this the part where I beg for my life?” The cocky smile was back, but Mikasa knew it was nothing but a facade.

“No, this is the part where I blow your brains out” Her answer came shortly, before aiming at his right eye. Just as she was about to press the trigger, something rustled behind her. This time she knew not to look; it was probably just some leaves blowing in the wind, nothing worth risking him escaping again. It wasn’t until she heard footsteps right behind her she realized that she should have looked, that she should have just fucking looked over her shoulder. The pain hit her like lightning. All her muscled contracted, all she felt was excruciating pain, her whole body was pulsing in flashes of pure hurt. She fell to the ground, powerless, like a ragdoll that a child had grown sick off and thrown in the corner. Her mouth started to fill with blood, and she realized that she had bit herself in the tongue. Trying to spit it out, a mix of saliva and blood started trailing down her chin, onto the asphalt beneath her chin.

  _I am so tired_ -

The realization hit her hard, and she felt even more exhausted. The feeling was new. Sure, she had felt the need to sleep, but never like this. The tiredness was so overwhelming, as if she had used up all the energy that she ever possessed and was now nothing but a drained shell of a person. Her eyelids felt heavy, but she couldn’t fall asleep now. If they were to kill her, she wanted to stare them in the eyes until her last breath left her lips.

To her surprise, she was hauled up by the man that she had been after. He swung her over his shoulder, effortlessly. He was strong, not even the tiniest tremor in his muscles revealed any strain on his part.

“How many volts did you use?” he was talking to someone, probably to whoever attacked her. His voice vibrated against her cheek which was pressed against his back. His shirt was soft against her skin, and it smelled like fire. Mikasa remembered how much she hated the smell, as it awoke memories of explosions and _screams and terror_ -

“65.000” someone answered. Mikasa was surprised to hear that the voice most likely belonged to a woman. The ting of carefreeness sent a shiver of repulse down Mikasa’s spine; these people were nothing but scum. Did they not realize that all they strived for was chaos? Had they not experienced the War?

“I decided to amp it up a bit, she seems like a though cookie” the woman continued.

“You’re right about that” the man carrying her agreed, and Mikasa was sure that he was still smirking “Bitch broke my nose last time we met”

His comment was met with a deep chuckle. How many people were there? Mikasa tried to crane her neck, to see the faces of the assailants, but all she managed was to see four pair of feet. _So four people_. Usually, four opponents would have nothing on her, she had been against gangs of fifteen persons, but she was just so damn tired. Her eyes started to flutter, even if she tried so fucking hard to keep them open.

“Aww Levi, for someone so short you sure are vain” the woman snickered.

“Shut up shit-glasses” the man, _Levi_ , answered.

 

The last thing Mikasa heard before she lost conscious was the second man speak. “You two, we need to get going. The car is waiting for us outside” After that, she was surrounded by a low humming, and then _nothing_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your kudos, bookmarks and reviews in the last chapter! It really warms my heart that you have liked the story, and I apologize for so little rivamika-action in this chapter. The next one will be filled with it though, I promise! Please review and tell me what you think!


	3. the right Belief

 

**Types of Enemies** (8956/5 A.W)   
_Last updated 23.7 13AW_

Anarchist Individual  
_Person with ties to any organization deemed anarchist/Person committing an anarchist crime i.e. tagging walls, reading censored publications and/or speaking using anarchist terms, slang etc.  
  
_ Political Opponent  
 _Man or Woman seeking power_ / _influence_.  
  
Person who poses a great threat to our Nation and/or the Leaders.   
_Terrorist groups, free-thinkers, publishers of material not accepted by the Leaders, those who question the Rules._  
  
Religious Mass   
_Group of people (2+) who worship, idolize or believe in any power higher than the Leaders._  
  
Religious Leader  
_Poisoner of mind, shall be executed immediately, no levels imply.  
  
_ Enemy of Order  
_Intoxicated individuals wandering the street, people who show excessive violence and/or show no respect to the Leaders._   
  
Disturbed Individual  
_Person disturbed in the mind and/or body. Person who has a mind no longer functioning. Prostitution, excessive drinking._   


All subjects over the level of 5 shall be considered high-risk, thus the main objective should be elimination of the threat. Persuading not recommendable. Note that the Firms have the right to punish persuader that fails to maintain order, and will use it.   
All persuaders shall report to their Firms after every case.

 

 

 

 

 

**8.8 13 A.W.  
** Location unknown  
07:38 **  
  
**

“Kill me” she didn’t beg, or plead. Her voice didn’t quiver, her body didn’t shake. She had accepted her fate, and was growing impatient of waiting. “Just get it over with”

Levi raised an eyebrow in amusement and scoffed. “Kill you? Why would I do that? You haven’t heard what I- no, sorry, _we_ have to offer. Then we can talk about killing”

_What the hell was he talking about?_ Different outcomes and possibilities raced in Mikasa's head. Maybe she was to be sold to a brothel, to some other nation as a slave? No, the Firm would surely make sure something like that wouldn’t happen, she was good at what she did, they would like to keep her-

_Remember, everyone is replaceable_

Oh yeah, right. They wouldn’t stop anyone from hurting Mikasa, from selling her to some filthy men. As long as whatever was about to happen didn’t interfere with the Leaders, no one really cared about what happened to her. Mikasa suddenly realized that no one would miss her. Not a single person would even realize that she was gone, no one would wonder about her disappearance. Her presence on this god-forsaken earth would be as short and idle as anyone’s. If being a brother of a Leader wasn’t enough to guarantee safety, why would being a persuader for the Firm hold any more weight?

“I’m not interested in your offer” it wasn’t true, not really. They say that the will to live is the strongest, most primitive reaction a human has, and that urge was now starting to stir up mixed emotions inside her. Part of her wanted to die, to leave this planet and follow her mother and father and Eren and Armin to whatever afterlife there was, if any. But still, a small part of her yearned to continue breathing, for her heart to keep pumping blood into her veins.

Levi had most likely noticed the small hesitation in her answer, so he sighed with a smile “We think you should join us, Ackerman. We have been watching you, we know that you are ranked high within the Firm. You have knowledge that could help us reach our goal- “

“What would that be?” Mikasa taunted “Bring the land back to a state of turmoil? To watch more innocent people explode, be killed?”

“That’s a bit thick coming from you” Levi retorted, interrupting her accusations. “Seeing that you have killed 45 persons since we last saw each other”

“I don’t kill innocent people” Mikasa muttered, lowering her gaze, signaling for him to continue talking. 

“Our goal is simple; freedom. We want to free this land from the fascist forces that are now crushing it in their grip. Don’t you remember what this world used to be like? Being able to take a shit without being watched, having opportunities, a voice...?”

“I remember the War” Mikasa’s answer was short. “I remember the rebellions before that, and I remember the fear” It was true. Levi’s monologue had shaken up memories that she had locked up long ago. She did remember something about what Levi was talking about, she remembered her parents garden and the fresh air and the flowers and the laughter. But stronger than those memories were the images of death, of war and fire and the sting in her throat after breathing in smoke that clung to her clothes for weeks after-

“How old were you when the War ended Mikasa?”

“Eleven.” She wanted to continue, she wanted to let him know that she was nine when her parents were blown away to bits and pieces by groups like his, that she was twelve when Armin and Eren were shot full of fist-sized holes, she wanted to tell him so badly because no one knew, no one had cared for her story and if she was about to die she wanted someone to know how much she had lost in the War.

“You’re only 24” he sounded surprised. Maybe she looked older, she wasn’t sure. She felt older than 24. “You’re still young. You can join us, and take down the Leaders. You’ll be able to live a life, a good one even.”

Mikasa let out a dry laugh. “Like I said. I’d rather die.” With that, she turned her head to the side, ending the conversation for her part. Levi sighed before standing up, sending one last look her way before walking out of the cell.

 

                                                

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Any luck?”

Levi shook his head and sat down next to Erwin, grabbing the bottle of beer handed to him. He wiped the neck of the bottle with his handkerchief before talking a long sip. “We may have been wrong, she might be too young to remember what the world used to be like. Really be like, before any of the demonstrations and all that shit”

“Maybe she’s just brainwashed, we shouldn’t give up yet” Erwin answered, eyebrows furrowed in thought “Her knowledge and skills would serve as a great advantage to us”

“Yeah, I mean, she managed to kick your ass Levi. I don’t think anyone has done that before” Hanji agreed, eliciting a low chuckle from Erwin. Levi didn’t answer, instead he finished his beer greedily. It was true what Hanjin had said though; it was at least 15 years since he had met someone as who had overpowered him. With her help, the day when the Leaders would fall along with the tyrannical forces holding up the government would be much nearer.

“I need to take a walk. Someone else can try to get through to her.” Placing the now empty bottle on the counter, Levi left his friends in the room that served as their meeting room and started walking in the empty corridor.

He looked around in the building that had served as his home for the last twelve years. After loosing Petra, after the War was nearing its end, he had wandered the streets alone, sleeping on the ground and eating whatever he found in the trash or on the ground. It was then when he had met Erwin, leader of the resistance movement Dozsa. Erwin had been his savior, really. Erwin and the movement had brought meaning to his life, it had replaced the hate burning in his heart with the burn of a greater goal; liberation. The last five or so years had been tough though; the Firms had started killing members of Dozsa left and right, some even going so far as killing persons even talking to members. Levi had lost many comrades to the bullets of persuaders. Gunther, Aururo, Mike… The thought of adding Mikasa, a persuader who surely was behind the death of some of his friends sent mixed feelings rushing in his gut. On one side, he hated her, he hated everything she stood for and he thought that she should be put down like the dog she was. But the asset that she would be was undeniable. Her knowledge about the Firm, about the Leaders and the hierarchy that was would help them immensely in taking down the tyranny that was controlling with an iron fist. To put it simply, the pros outweighed the cons. Besides, Dozsa had talked about what would happen after their overtake would succeed. There would be a trial, and everyone proven of assisting the Leaders directly or indirectly would be prosecuted. The punishments varied from exile and life in prison to death. Swallowing the bitterness when it came to the persuader, Mikasa, was easy in that sense. What comes around, goes around.  The thought was so comforting that Levi decided to visit the young woman again. Maybe she had a change of hearts, who knew.

 

 

 

 

Levi walked into the small holding cell, eyes on Mikasa who was still tied to her chair. “Changed your mind?”

“I need to use the toilet” her voice revealed some uneasiness. She had been sitting in her chair for four hours, before that she was unconscious for two. It wasn’t a surprise that she was now in need of some relief.

Levi chuckled at her discomfort. Not that it was that amusing, the thought of the young woman staining herself and the floor disgusted him, but because he knew that he now had a bargaining chip. In his years with Dozsa he had learned that it was the most natural of emotions and needs that often broke people down. Hunger, the need for sleep, isolation and many more were tactics that Levi had grown familiar using to his advantage. Or better yet, to the advantage of humanity and freedom.

“You may use the lavatory if you join us. I can’t trust you to use our facilities seeing that you still are our enemy… Who knows what mischief you’ll get yourself into?” His tone was playful, the words came out between his lips that were forming a small smirk. The smirk didn’t reach his eyes though, and there was something about his look that sent shivers down Mikasa's spine.

“Fuck you”

The answer made Levi burst out in a low chuckle, and he shook his head slowly. “Have it your way, Ackerman. I’m really trying to be on your side here.”

Once again, Levi left the cell, leaving Mikasa all alone. She was shaking, her bladder full and she really needed to pee. As the heavy door banged shut, a small gasp left Mikasa’s lips. She could feel the warmth of her urine spreading, and hear the small droplets hit the floor, leaving her with little dignity and a strong feeling of surrender.

Mikasa wasn’t sure how long she was alone. Something between 30m minutes to four hours, but there was no way of telling. There weren’t any windows of which she could gaze outside and determine what time it was. Hell, she didn’t even know if it was night or day. She had already grown used to the stench of urine and the coldness, but she wasn’t sure how long something like that would take. How long it took for blood to turn sticky and brown, that she knew. How long it took for a body to start to smell, that she knew. It was ironic, in a way; knowing so many ways to measure time, but none of them was to her aid now.

The sound of footsteps alerted her, and she stared at the door like a deer caught in the headlights. The last pieces of dignity left inside her hoped that it wasn’t Levi, that he wasn’t coming to witness the state she was in. She didn’t want to give him the gratification. To her relief, it was the woman that she had seen when she was kidnapped, in the lack of a better word. The tall, slender woman walked in and nodded to Mikasa as a greeting. Mikasa didn’t answer.

 

 

**8.8 13 A.W.**  
Location unknown  
10:14

 “Hello Ackerman” Hanji grabbed a vacant chair in the corner and placed in front of Mikasa's, the back of the chair facing the captive woman. A minute passed by, then another one. When the tension in the room was at a level that Hanji enjoyed she sat astride on the chair, hazel eyes peering into cold, grey ones.

“So- “Hanji started, a sympathetic smile spreading on her lips “I guess I should introduce myself, no? Sorry about my manners, I’m Hanji Zoe, one of the ringleaders in our resistance movement, Dozsa. Did Levi already tell you about or goals, about our ideology?”

Mikasa didn’t answer, she just continued staring into Hanji’s eyes, not blinking once. Hanji found herself staring back, fascinated about the woman’s perseverance; sitting in her own urine in a small cell for hours would have an impact on almost everyone’s mental health, but this woman…

“I’ll take your answer as a no.” Hanji laughed and leaned back, her grip on the top rail of the chair keeping her steady, “So, we are a group, an anarchist one like you people call it, determined to take town the fascist- “

“I’ve heard that shit already, you can leave it”

 The interruption didn’t faze Hanji. Instead, it made her laugh. Sitting in her own piss wasn’t bad, but hearing about Dozsa was? Hanji was sure that she had seen it all now.

“But you haven’t given us an answer though!” the eccentric woman said with a laugh, as if they were chatting about crushes or favorite colors some other everyday casual thing. “Are you willing to join us?”

“No.” the answer was short, cold even. That didn’t come as a surprise to Hanji, it was all going according to plan. She had discussed this through with Levi and Erwin, analyzed the turn this conversation could take and what Hanji should answer to get the right reaction. The reaction that would slowly but surely pull Mikasa to their side. _To the right side._

“September 5th, 2265. Wednesday night” Hanji spoke slowly, eyeing Mikasa's reaction. First, she didn’t react. She continued staring, emotionless, for a second of two. Then the words sank in, and Mikasa remembered the what day Hanji was referring to. It was a few weeks before the war ended, before year 0 A.W.

“The explosions in Kuopa.” Mikasa whispered, fighting the images and memories. “The explosion that people like you were behind. Terrorists, and other scum...!”

The explosions in Kuopa were one of the most violent ones. Kuopa was an orphanage, one of the biggest ones in the district of Eldia, known by Evengreen back then. The orphanage had served as a home, a sanctuary for Mikasa and almost 100 other children back then. Eren and Armin included. The bombs had gone off at 3 in the morning. Mikasa was the sole survivor. That night her dreams had been plagued by nightmares more horrifying than usual, and she had decided to go outside for a short walk. She only got 140 meters from the orphanage when it all went up in flames. When she ran back, she saw some survivors running away, and she saw Eren and Armin among them. Before she had the chance to scream for them, before she even had a chance to feel relief, someone started shooting. She stared at her friends, her only family as they were gunned down, slaughtered like cattle. As she started running away, she saw them, the murders. They were standing there, guns in their hands. The badge that they wore revealed who they were. The Wings of Freedom. The biggest resistance group had turned on their own people, killing the most innocent. _Killing children._

 

 “So that’s the story you’ve been fed all these years? Would it surprise you to know that the attack was not orchestrated by the allied forces, or some guerilla group, but instead by those that you today serve and call the Leaders?” Hanji’s tone grew sardonic by the end of her monologue. “That attack was the last nail in the coffin for the opposing side in the War. No one wanted to side with a group that would murder children. The Leaders, or Raxists as they were called back then, knew it. They were behind the attack at Kuopa. They were behind the attack that killed Eren Jäger and Armin Arlert. Those two were your friends, weren’t they? In fact, didn’t you witness them die?”

A tear fell Mikasa's cheek, and she bit her lip, hard enough to leave a mark. Hanji could see the thoughts swirling in her head, how the dots were connecting one by one.

Hanji placed the file that she had been carrying on the floor next to Mikasa before continuing.  “The bombing in which your parents died, the Raxists were behind that one as well. It wasn’t as cleverly masked as the Kuopa-attack, but many still believed that groups like us was behind it. Events like these ensured their gain of the power in our country. I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but it is the truth. The truth that has been masked for far too long.”

Mikasa didn’t answer. The tears were now flowing down her cheeks, and her chest felt like exploding. Biting her teeth together, trying to stop the tears from coming, Mikasa let out a choked sound.

“You probably have a lot to think about, so I’ll leave you to it.” Hanji walked out of the cell, closing the door behind her. In the same second as the door clicked shut, the handcuffs that had held Mikasa fell to the floor with a empty clang. Her hands fell to her sides, her whole being defeated. Was Hanji telling the truth? Had Mikasa spent the last almost ten years working for the people that were behind the death of everyone she ever loved? As realization began to sink in, more tears started to fall down her face. A sob escaped her lips, and it felt strange. It was years since Mikasa had cried the last time, and doing it now hurt. It was as if her body had forgotten how to cry, like her tear ducts had dried out and the liquid that was now falling from her eyes were acid that burned nearly as bad as the pain in her chest. It was like suffocating, from the inside.

 

 

 

Her hands were shaking as she picked up the thick file. It was old, from the times before the War judging by its material. The paper was most likely made from wood and cellulose, not from rock and stone like the papers now a day when trees and flowers were hard to come by. The documents inside the file were real. No one would waste real paper on something like a fake document. She opened the file slowly, mentally preparing herself for what she was about to read. The papers were filled with notes, strategies, both official and unofficial documents. Words like Operation Kuopa, Enemy List and Raxists flashed before her eyes, and she took it all in.

She read the documents over and over again, until her eyes were dry and there were no tears left to shed.

Then she read it again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

 

When the door opened, her gaze remained on the papers. She had decided.

“I’ll do it. I’ll join you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who commented! The feeling that I get when I read your comments is like no other, you guys really make my day. So thank you so much for that!   
> Please let me know what you thought of this chapter. Have a great week!<3


	4. take position

 

 

 

 

 

December 25th, 2260

_Dearest fellow landsmen_

_I must offer my most sincere congratulations._  
_The party that you have formed is not only everything that we have dreamed of; it will also mark a new beginning._  
_As our Raxist movement continues to grow, so does the need for change._  
_Our great nation can not carry on as it has before._  
_True power should, and one day will, belong to those who deserves it._  
_True knowledge and wealth should be the main criteria for choosing a leader, not some populistic nonsense like our opponents seem to think._  
_I see great things in our future._  
_Until the next time we meet, which I look forward to, take care._

  * Simeon Elfs



 

 

**_Chapter 4 – take position_ **

 

 **8.8 13 A.W.**  
Dozsa headquarters  
10:24

After her agreement, everything had happened quickly. She was escorted out of her cell by a man and a woman, neither one someone that she had met before. Mikasa noticed the woman’s nostrils flare in disgust, and found herself feeling slightly ashamed of the state she was in. Her hair was sweaty and matted with dirt, as was her whole body. The fact that she had wetted her pants and the obvious stench that followed didn’t help.

The pair showed her to a small room and told her that it was now hers. The man seemed jealous at the fact that she had an own room, leaving Mikasa wondering if she was given some special treatment or if they didn’t trust her living with other soldiers. She guessed at the latter.

There wasn’t any other furniture in her room besides a bed and dresser. Still, it felt so much better than her own apartment. In this room, there weren’t any cameras that the Firm could spy on her with. _In this room, she could breathe_.

Next to her bed there was a small door that led to a bathroom. Again, nothing luxurious, but in the state that she was in she could’ve bathed in mud just to cover the smell of urine. Not wanting to wait another second, she undressed, leaving her clothes in a pile in front of her bed and stepped into the shower. The water was lukewarm, but still it felt hot on her skin after the hours that she spent inside the ice-cold cell. Using a piece of soap that someone had left in the shower she started cleaning herself, lathering every inch of her body in a thick foam that smelled like lavender. She wasn’t very fond of the scent.

The water that ran down the drain was first a light brown, and Mikasa continued to scrub her body and scalp vigorously until the water turned opaque. After that, she washed her body again, eyes closed and mouth slightly open so that small droplets fell in her mouth. She always washed up like this; her eyes closed because she didn’t want to look at the tattoos covering her body, and mouth open so that she could for a second pretend that it was rain. The rain that fell down nowadays was so acidic that anyone who tried to drink it would find themselves with a mouth filled with sores and burns. Many even died after drinking it, their thirst to great to notice the burning and pain that the water brought with it. Incidents like that were something that Mikasa had covered up many times. It was all just for show; everyone knew that the rain was poisonous, even the Leaders, but there was still the need for an explanation that pushed the blame on anyone else but those who were in charge.

After washing up, she wrapped herself in a towel that had long ago lost it softness. It reminded her of the towels back in Kuopa, but she shook the short memory away. _Not now_. Instead, she started wondering what to put on. The thought of putting her old, dirty clothes on was appalling, but being forced to run around the halls dressed in only a towel seemed equally as horrifying. Her question was answered as she stepped back into her room. She found herself staring into the same icy blue eyes that she not too long ago had sworn to gauge out with her own hands. _How things could change_.

“I took the liberty of throwing away your old clothes. They were disgusting.” Levi remarked shortly, his expression not revealing any emotions.

Mikasa scoffed. “Okay”

He ignored her crude answer and handed a cotton-bag to her. “Here’s a clean set of clothes. Everything should be your size. When you’re dressed, Erwin would like to meet you. I’ll be waiting outside to escort you there.”

“Thank you” Mikasa said, unsure if she should be grateful or afraid. In many ways, Levi was like her. Neither one of them showed any emotions, but he seemed to be even more unreadable than her. She thought that she had seen a glimmer of hate in his eyes, but a second later she thought she saw compassion. Now, he was back to an emotionless mask.

As he left the room, she found herself staring at his back. It wasn’t until the door slammed shut that she was awoken from her daze. She was usually good at reading people. She already knew that she could trust Hanji, that the woman was truly a good person. Every time when Mikasa met someone, she knew if they were worth her time, good or evil, smart or stupid, after only a few minutes. But with Levi, she had no idea if he wanted to shoot her between the eyes or if he was thankful that she joined them. Maybe it was for the best, she thought darkly.

Spilling the contents of the bag on her bed, she couldn’t help but to feel impressed. The material of the clothes was great; thick and sturdy, nothing like the flimsy material that the clothes sold on the markets seemed to be now a day. It wasn’t as good as the tactical gear that the Firm offered her for especially hard missions, but it came pretty close. The black pants fit her perfectly, as did the bra and the grey shirt. How they had guessed her bra size puzzled her, but she decided not to focus on it. She was happy to be dressed in new, clean clothes. A pair of shoes were waiting for her next to the chair, and she put them on. Like everything, they also fit her perfectly. Maybe they owned scanning gear. Scanning-gears were hard to come by on the black market, Mikasa knew that as she had on an occasion or two confiscated some. Machines like that were banned, deemed as a threat.

“What’s taking you so long? Do you need help to put on clothes, or did you manage by yourself?” Levi’s asked, voice muffled by the door. Mikasa rolled her eyes in annoyance and walked out to the hallway.

“I know how to put on clothes, thank you very much” she said in a sweet tone and flashed him a wide smile that was anything but sincere.

“Could’ve fooled me, it took you years.” He responded and started walking along the long hallway, motioning for her to follow. “Erwin is waiting for you, and you’re already late.”

 

 

 

 

 **8.8 13 A.W.**  
_Dozsa headquarters, Erwin’s office_  
11:20

 

 

“Ackerman. Please sit down.” Erwin motioned towards the chair in front of his desk. It wasn’t until she sat down that she noticed that Erwin only had one arm. The other one was gone, only a stump was left, ending at his elbow. She turned her gaze away, not wanting to be rude. He had noticed her stare though, and lifted what was left of his arm for her to see.

“This was my punishment for not participating in the acts that the Raxists planned as they started to take over the government. Before they became what we today know as the Leaders. I was working for the military when everything happened. When I refused to spill the blood of innocents, they took my arm. They would probably have killed me, if it wasn’t for Dozsa. Like many other members, I owe this group my life. You understand that, right?”

Mikasa nodded, a small blush of shame spreading on her face. Even is she hadn’t knowingly done so, she had fought for the same people who murdered so many, who were behind the turmoil. She had been one of the wrong ones. She had spilled the blood of innocent people. Still, she also understood the irony; she had also felt, maybe still felt on some subconscious level, that she owed her life to the Firm. Just like Erwin felt that he owed his life to Dozsa. It was like two sides of the same coin, only that one of the sides were evil. Her side.

“That is why I need to inform you of what is going to happen after we overtake the government. It is only fair that you know what will await you. There will be a trial, a righteous and fair one, but a trial nonetheless. You will face charges, just like everyone else who has aided the Leaders in a way or another.”

Mikasa pressed her hands into fists, a small rush of adrenaline rushing through her veins. Would she ever be free? Was she doomed to a life in a cage? She understood that actions had consequences, and that she probably deserved nothing less than an eternity in hell, but the realization still stung. In a naïve way, she had hoped that her liaison with Dozsa would be her retribution. Her way out.

Erwin noticed her pained expression, and he gave her a small smile. “I’d advise you not to worry. As a Commander, I will personally make sure that your aid to us shall me taken into consideration as your punishment is decided. But there must be a trial, a new start demands that. Like I said, I hope you understand.”

Mikasa did understand, so she answered his questioning smile with a short nod. “I am ready to take any punishment that is deemed upon me when the time comes. If it means anything, I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t you who cut into my arm, Mikasa. But, I accept your apology.”

The blonde man nodded to signal that their meeting was over. Mikasa stood up and bowed her head slightly, unsure what the customs were when speaking to someone higher in rank in an organization like this.  Erwin didn’t seem to notice though; he was already staring at the papers on his desk, brows furrowed in thought.

 

 

 

 

 **8.8 13 A.W.**  
_Dozsa headquarters, Erwin’s office_  
11:59

 

“You don’t trust her already, do you?”

Erwin looked up to Levi who had silently like always sat down on the same chair that Mikasa had sat in a few minutes ago. The shorter man stared at Erwin, a concerned frown on his face.

Erwin sighed and leaned back on his chair. “Not fully, no. But I don’t think that she will turn on us.”

“She was an enemy a few hours ago.”  Levi retorted. “You can’t trust any sob-story that some girl tells, for all we know she might just be a great actor-“  
“Like I trusted you?” Erwin interrupted, knowing well that he hit a soft spot. “To be fully honest with you, she reminds me of you. There is something in her that brings you to mind, the Levi that I got to know many years ago. I like to think that I have a good judje of carachter, and her resemblance to you plays a great part in the trust that I lay on her.”

“It’s not the same.” Levi disagreed. “I was never a sheep, I never aided the Leaders like a rat. I never took the easy way out.”

Erwin looked in the eyes of his friend. “Surely you did things out of desperation, Levi? Things that you might regret? Mikasa did the same.”

Levi stood up and shook his head. “If she takes us all down, I don’t think I’ll ever…”

“I know. It won’t happen. But if it would come to it that Mikasa shows signs of traitorous behavior, you have my full permission to handle the situation as you deem fit.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**15.8 13 A.W.**  
Dozsa headquarters  
18:47

 

A week had gone by since Mikasa joined Dozsa.  Even if she was exhausted from all the training, getting the hang of the rebellious group and everything else that had filled her days, she was still excited. There was a small glimmer of hope, a possibility of change in the horizon.

The resistance movement was far bigger than she had thought. Hanji had presented her the group residing in the headquarters and told her about other members that weren’t part of the immediate squad. Mikasa was surprised to hear that they had members in far more influential positions than her. Business owners, politicians, maids that worked for the Leaders… The Dozsa had done what Mikasa had thought to be impossible; they had managed to infiltrate almost every branch of the government, and even more. Why they were waiting to take down the Leaders, she had no idea. She hadn’t asked, just figured that she’s be let on the details after her part in the plan was decided. She hoped it would happen soon.

After another tiring workout session that seemed to fill most of her days, Mikasa found herself sitting on the porch of the large house that served as Dozsa’s headquarters. Her fingers were itching after a smoke and a shot of vodka, but she didn’t want to ask anyone in fear of being rude or seen as a brat. For a strange reason, she found herself caring about others opinion about her.

“You a drinker?” A voice startled her. Mikasa looked up and saw Hanji standing next to her, handing her a beer. Mikasa nodded and grabbed the cool bottle before bringing it to her lips. The drink was cold and tasted earthy. It was nice, even if Mikasa missed the burn of liquor.

After taking a greedy gulp, she turned to Hanji and smiled. “Thanks. I wasn’t sure what kind of rules you have here regarding alcohol.”

Hanji let out a hoarse laugh “Yeah, well we’re pretty liberal here. Anything goes besides totalitarian governments, massacres and tyranny”

Even if the joke wasn’t funny, not really - _it held to much truth_ \- Mikasa joined Hanji’s laughter. It felt nice. Normal. Even the silence that followed wasn’t an awkward one, but a comfortable one that let Mikasa relax and her shoulder slump.

“I don’t judge you, you know” Hanji broke the silence. She glanced at Mikasa with a small smile and leaned on the railing in front of her. “I read your papers, and I get it. Why you did it. Makes sense for me.”

“You might be the only one. I’m not sure if I even get why I did it anymore. And I’m sure as hell that no one besides you in the Dozsa is as understanding” There was no pity in Mikasa's voice, it was purely a statement. Many of the members avoided her, and the ones that agreed to spar with her in training seemed to want nothing but to hurt her for real. Though worst was the way Levi treated her. She found herself catching his glares every time she was in the same space and her, and she knew that he probably felt nothing but pure contempt for her. _At least she didn’t have to wonder what he thought about her anymore._

“You mean Levi?” Judging by the way Mikasa clenched her jaw, Hanji guessed she was right and continued. “He’s had a hard past. Most of us have suffered because of the Leaders and Firms in a way or another, but Levi…”

Hanji didn’t continue, and Mikasa understood that the subject was too personal for Hanji to explain. Mikasa didn’t pry, she just nodded understandingly.  This time, a heavy silence fell over the two women.

_What does it matter if Hanji doesn’t judge me? Everyone else does. I do._

“Oh, yeah, I actually came to tell you that we have a meeting in a few minutes” Hanji suddenly exclaimed with a laugh. Mikasa found herself wondering how this woman could change the mood with just one sentence. The tension that had formed was gone as Hanji continued chuckling and going on about how absent-minded she was.

 

 

 

 **15.8 13 A.W.**  
_Dozsa headquarters, Erwin’s office._  
19:36

 

Everyone was already in Erwin’s room as Hanji and Mikasa stepped inside. Erwin was sitting behind his desk, and in the chair in front of him sat Levi, giving the late pair a scowl. Standing next to the wall was the man and woman who had showed her her room a week ago. She wasn’t sure what their names were. Both belonged to the group that avoided her.

“Now that we are all here, I declare the meeting opened. As usual, everything discussed inside these walls will not leave this room.” Erwin said and pointed on the chair in front of him. “Ackerman, please sit down.”

Mikasa bowed awkwardly, still unsure how to act in front of superior officers before sitting down. She noticed Levi leaning away from her, his gaze on Erwin.

Erwin cleared his throat. “Any questions before we start?”

Mikasa nodded. “Why do you need me?” she asked. “You have so many members who probably know more than me”

“We have no one who works for a Firm. Believe it or not, but your knowledge and hit list gives us more information about the Leaders than anyone else. If we know the enemies of the Leaders, we can map out their agendas, we can track down possible allies and even figure out their fears.”

“The enemy of my enemy is my friend.”

“Precisely. Mikasa, I have now put things in order regarding your role in our overthrowing of the government. You will play a vital role as an informant, and for that we need you to return back to the district of Eldia, back to your home.”

 “But I can’t go back now. The Firm has noticed that I’ve gone off the radar. There’s probably a price on my head already.”

“Actually, we have taken care of that. We have a friend who works for the information network. Even if it was hard, he has managed to hack into the Firms database. All your jobs have been transferred to another employee. It won’t fool them for long, even this week has been pushing our luck, so you’ll need to return home tonight.”

Mikasa nodded, mentally preparing herself for returning to the foul air and toxic rain.

“Levi will join you. We have managed to insert a virus into the cameras that are monitoring your home. If anyone looks at the footage, they will see you preforming normal chores. This only works if you are inside whilst footage of you in your home is rolling, so it is important that you keep track of time and know when to leave the apartment. Likewise, it is important that you notify us if you need to leave unexpectantly, so that the right footage can roll. You will get the exact times, but to make sure that everything runs smoothly, Levi will join you.”

It was obvious that no one had known about the plan. The man and woman standing against the wall gasped, and Levi stared at Erwin with an expression that matched Mikasa's.

“This is not what we discussed Erwin-“ Levi’s murmured sharply, his fury obvious.

“This is _exactly_ what we discussed.”

Erwin turned to Hanji and the pair that were standing next to her. “Please prepare a vehicle. Levi and Mikasa need to leave in five minutes. They will also need a transmitter.”

The trio nodded before walking out swiftly. As the door slammed shut, Erwin turned back to the two left in the room. “You will get details via the transmitter. I am sorry that I don’t have time to explain more thoroughly, the schedule was out of my hands this time. You should go and pack now, time is of the essence.”

 

From the window behind Erwin, Mikasa could see the sun setting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Yeah I'll update this soon" 
> 
> Woops sorry you had to wait! Uni happened, and I had to write on essays instead of working on this. I also had a maajor case of writers-block. But yeah, the next update should be in March since I now where I'm going with that chapter and have already started. 
> 
> As always, please tell me what you think! <3


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